What I’d Do

* I’ve been in the mood for poetry lately…so here’s another poem…

I’d scream if I felt
It might help
Instead I deny
Keep things
From myself
Bury feelings
Bury words
Each day
Becoming less
My true self
I want to be angry
I want to be sad
I want to be happy
To genuinely smile
Instead I feel less
Trying to not fully die
Evaporate inside
Till nothing is left
This is not what I wish
Not what I want to do
I want more
So much more from each day
I want to cry rivers
Till the heartache
Pours through
I want to smash walls
Till all the rage
Simmers away
I want joy to blossom
To live more than exist
Turn the key in the lock
Undo these emotions
All bottled up
This is what I’d do
If my heart
To itself
Would only be so true

Cloudy Skies

Cloudy Skies

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Snowy Day Ramblings

Snowy Bench

Snowy Bench

I just finished sipping a cup of homemade hot chocolate. It’s the perfect thing to do on a frosty day like today. Way more snow fell yesterday in our little part of North Carolina than we’ve seen in many years.  It never lasts long, so I just content myself to staying cozily indoors till the roads are safe. Of course since over 3 snowflakes fell, pretty much everything is closed anyway. The only venturing out I do is to take the occasional picture and to feed the outside critters(the resident goat, guinea, and couple of chickens).

It’s been one of those slow kind of days I enjoy. It started with making some delicious wholesome homemade banana muffins, full of good stuff like flaxseed and fresh ground whole wheat flour. I did some essentials, like cleaning up a bit, then it’s been computer time for me. My internet works at the archaic speed of the dial-up age, but I’ve still managed to mostly catch up reading blog posts and emails for now.

I’m still writing, just been quiet. Mainly writing in my journal, bits of non-fiction, and a few poems as the mood strikes. I’ve been reading plenty too, including I just got my hands on The Wolf Gift by Anne Rice, which I’ve been wanting to read for some time now. I’m not far into it yet, but it looks good and though I’m not a big horror fan, I do enjoy werewolf and vampire stories. I’ll have to share about some of the ebooks I’ve read in another post some time.

Besides going to become a grandmother within a couple of months, the thing I’m most excited about is I might actually get to go to my first ever writers conference. It’s the Book ‘Em North Carolina Writers Conference and Book Fair in Lumberton. It happens to be in the same town my husband’s side of the family usually has family reunions in and best of all the price is right within my budget as the admission is free. Several of the talks look interesting.

On a totally other note, if you’ve ever felt life is not going as you planned(ok…I must really be a dreamer if I think it’s supposed to…huh?) or you’re getting older and feel suddenly you don’t know what you want to do when you grow up, then I ran across a couple of interesting blog posts this morning. Both of them are on the same site, but gave me something to think about. Read the comments too, there were some interesting ones. The posts are If You Could Do Anything for a Living, What Would You Do? and The Problem with Plans : What I Learned from Getting Laid Off.

Best wishes in your life and writing endeavors. Here’s one of the many poems I’ve been writing lately…

Heartsong

Somethings are just known
Without any doubt
Felt down deep
Make life worth living
Make life complete
Slip into place
Perfect poetry
Sung between hearts
Grounding my soul
Giving me peace
A return to dreams
An awakening hope

Someone, Not Me

Not that girl
It’s not me
I’m the good girl
The one
Others want me to be
Became
An adaptive illusion
Moving me out of place
Until nothing was left
No me
There was no space
To hold my ground
Have some control
As none could be found
A rebirth
A new me
This other girl
A girl
I don’t really
Wish to be
But a girl
Trying to be
Not better
Yet not dust
Escaping pain
Creating more
Unable to be
Not free
To really be me

Cloudy Skies

Cloudy Skies

A Caregiver’s Heart

Here’s a poem using some of the words from Wordle 105 over at The Sunday Whirl blog.  Poetry is where my melancholy heart has been drawn to as of late.

As good as heart can wish

As good as heart can wish (Photo credit: harold.lloyd)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Losing my resilience
Like a spring
Wound a bit much
Harder to bounce back
Feeling out of touch
Hanging onto promises
With thread bare hope
Searching for shelter
Needing a way to cope
Seeking some solace
Against this torrential rain
A life flowing too fast
Yet remaining
Too much the same
A caregiver’s heart
Travels a difficult road
Trying to prevent
Burnout and overload
Must endure till the end
Many are the pieces
To this heavy load
Tasks breed like rabbits
Sleep is interrupted again
Unable to dream
There are days with no end
Yet consider all of this
Time well spent
Compassion and love
Worth much more
Than mountains of gold
To comfort another
Offer a hand to hold
To stay the course
And reach our goal
There is many a thing
Helpful to be remembered
Not often enough told
Always grasp for hope
So big for four small letters
Take care of yourself
Or how can you give to others
Keep singing your heart’s song
Don’t let it fly away
Life’s a whirlwind dance
Take part at every chance
There will be an after
This journey will end
Time will yet reveal
Now is in moments
Feelings much too real

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Poetry of the Heart

Here’s a poem I wrote using words from
Wordle 104 over at The Sunday Whirl blog :

Far Away Shore

So often I get close to the shore
Yet it’s never quite within reach
So much is beyond my control
Surpassing my threshold of grief
Swallowed in an ocean of tears
Tainted with whispers of fears
Tears retreat to a hesitant flow
Yet still I keep sinking far below
There is a shift in the currents
Turning from sorrow to apathy
Becoming skeptical of this life
Losing more of the inner me
Fleeing heart’s pain for relief
Burying emotions hidden deep
Take a sigh and try to unwind
Search the waters for meaning
Remnants of the long faded past
Drifting afloat in ocean’s embrace
Pleading emotions to resurface
Pain preferred to hollow peace
Anything to replace the nothing
Confrontation rather than fleeing
To taste again the salt of my tears
To escape the ocean’s grasp
Shores of hope I may one day reach
Joy revealed before I breathe my last

Ocean Waves

Ocean Waves

Raining Again

Here’s a poem I wrote using many of the words from  the wordle 98 prompt over at The Sunday Whirl blog.

Rainy Day

Rainy Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some days it hits
Somber feelings
With no warning
Just in an instant
Magically appearing
My heart trapped
An unavoidable snare
Seeing but not
Wearing glasses
No rose tinting
Clouds and rain
Only visible sight
No rainbows after
No heart skipping
No joyful delight
I try escaping
Know I am blessed
Yet in everything
There is unbalance
There is not rest
Trying in earnest
Despite all my might
Cannot find wings
To free my heart
Let it take flight

Letting Go

* This is a poem I wrote from the prompting post over at dverse Poets Pub on the art of letting go. *

Let live and let be
Easy enough motto it seems
Letting go is much harder
Yet, I’ve let go of so many things …
Love drifted away
Floating on a sea of tears
Bright lives faded to dim
Those I once held so dear
Motherhood snuck away in a blink
Daughter turned woman
In less time than you’d think
Life like the leaves
Swirling away in the wind
Took dreams and hopes
Thought would never end
I’ve let go of so many things
Releasing freely, unable to hold
Bending to natural forces
Learning to let go
A most difficult lesson
Trial by fire it quite seems
Letting go without losing myself
Forgetting how to dream
An ember escaped the ashes
Kindling to ignite my heart
Letting go doesn’t mean
Letting everything depart

Dandelion wind

Dandelion wind (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

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