No Excuses and a Poem…

My blog has been a bit quiet I know. I’ve been in one of those melancholy moods where I can’t quite get myself motivated. The caregiving life has hit another bump and I don’t know if it’s one of those bumps we’ll bounce back out of, or if this is where we are, another holding station in this still life of caregiving.

Still life, frozen in time, unmoving, monotonous, forever…all describe how I feel about life in its current state.

I’ll get it back together. I always seem to. In the meantime, I’m giving myself permission to be. I’m tired of being strong, putting on a happy face, and moving both feet forward(which some days feels like walking through molasses in muck boots). I’m tired of saying, “I’m fine and I know how to make brownies.” Chocolate’s good, but unfortunately it doesn’t ease all pain as much as I’d like it to.

I don’t think this is wallowing in self pity(AKA–pity party) or giving up. I think it’s allowing myself to grieve for a very changed life, something I don’t allow myself to do enough I think. I’m still writing, but it’s tending to be in my journal and poems. I was working on some submissions, but disappointed myself and didn’t finish them. I’m in a curl up with a good book and read to escape my woes place.

Hopefully back to a more active blog soon…here’s a poem I wrote for now though…

Release Me

It doesn’t do to be empathic
Feeling other people’s pain
Unable to heal it or let it go
Endlessly the ache remains
Yet should my heart harden
It would fare far worse
Not to feel is no blessing
An apathetic heart is a curse
Pouring rain down in my soul
Beg you give a bit of mercy
Sorrow extracts a heavy toll
From it, please release me

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sherriepalmer
    Nov 19, 2013 @ 21:31:37

    I know exactly how you are feeling and I think it’s a healthy thing to give yourself permission to feel down every now and then. I’ve been there a few times myself. Nurture yourself and you’ll get back to the things you love to do.

    Reply

  2. Dawn-Reneé Rice
    Dec 18, 2013 @ 20:24:09

    Just saw this post and wanted to tell you your poem is beautiful! I hate the circumstances that brought its inspiration but if you’re like me, I only tend to wax poetic in my darkest times. Hope you’re doing better since this was posted!

    Reply

    • creativityorcrazy
      Dec 24, 2013 @ 14:21:02

      Thank you. Yes I’m finally doing a bit better and yes, unfortunately I tend to wax poetic more when I’m really down. When I’m really happy too, though doesn’t seem to happen nearly as often.

      Reply

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